You’re On the Hunt
Maybe you moved. Maybe you got married. Or maybe you got into it with a pastor. Whatever the reason, you need to find a new church.
That’s where things get tricky. You’re a young woman, you’re Desi and you want a place that feels like home. But those evangelical churches you grew up in feel a little gross now, what with the misogyny, homophobia and racism.
I’ll be on the church hunt myself in the next few months. So let me share how I’m planning to find a house of worship as a progressive Desi Christian.
Slow Your Roll
My friend, the Hoosier pastor told me that. I was about to leave the Midwest for the Big Apple and wanted to land on a church right away. But the HP said to give myself about six months.
To keep myself sane over that period I plan to fill in the gaps with online services. And in the past, I’ve joined a weekly Bible study just to have some consistency while I look around.
My end goal is to hike out once a month or so to a Saint Thomas church. I think that’ll give me a place where I’m centered in my own Desi-ness. The rest of the time I plan to attend a church close to home.
Visit…the Website
One of my buddies once worked as a used car salesman. He taught me that most of the selection process takes place before you ever set foot on the lot. The same, I’ve found goes for churches. You can save yourself a lot of hassle by pre-screening churches through their websites.
Places to ask for church suggestions
Friends
Family Members
Locals
Things to look for on the website
Are there people of color in the website photos?
Are there women and people of color on the pastoral staff?
How about the elder board?
Do the racial demographics of the church match those of the surrounding community?
Does the church affirm the Apostles Creed and Nicene Creed?
Boots On the Ground
Now that you’ve got my list of churches to visit, do a church tour, visiting one service a week:
In the past, I used to just come over unannounced. But I think it helps to talk to someone, even if it’s just an administrator, to say I’m planning to visit.
Here’s what to look for in the room itself:
Is the church building close to where you live and work?
Is the church over 200 people?
Smaller is better, according to legendary pastor Eugene Peterson
Are you going to be the only Desi in the church?
How are singles treated?
How does the church respond to mass shootings, police brutality and other social issues?
Do a Vibe Check
Okay, the big crazy sprawling tour is over. You’ve got a handful of finalists. So go a bit deeper, spend a month at each one
Attend 4 Sunday services
Visit a Bible Study at least once
Pick a Finalist
I’m a reporter, so I love asking people tough questions. Here are some I’d ask a pastor over coffee (or email):
Is your church growing or dying?
Is your church’s denomination growing or dying?
When was the last time your church disciplined a member?
How has your church handled cases of pastoral sexual misconduct?
Slow Your Roll
You’re already going to be doing a lot of invisible labor at work. Tell your church leaders you need church to be a place of rest.
Don’t volunteer.
Make sure to make friends outside of church
Wait a year or so before becoming a member
You’re On the Hunt
Finding a church is like finding a spouse. It’s a big important decision that will affect your quality of life. And leaving a church is like getting divorced. I’ve done it twice. And both times it wrecked my physical and mental health.
So take your time. Be patient with the process. You’re not in a rush.
And remember, you’re not alone.
