⚠️ This Post is Meant to Offend ⚠️
I cannot state this clearly enough: I do not believe or endorse the arguments I am about to make. What you are about to read is a polemic: an over-the-top rant designed made to shock, disturb and challenge.
So don’t come at me with your angry emails and comments. And definitely do not actually attempt any of the actions I suggest below. There is a time and place for violence, but this ain’t it.
Now I’m going to only ask this once:
Better Off Dead
There is a world in which we stop climate change in its tracks. In that world, student loans are forgiven, the housing crisis is solved, abortion is the law of the land and no one watches Fox News. That world is just like ours with one major difference:
Everyone over 60 is dead.
Baby Boomers, defined as those born from 1946-1964, have no idea what’s it like to grow up with student debt. They went to college at a time when it cost less than $20,000 per year in today’s money. Boomers then went on to buy up all the houses, thanks to government handouts. And now those fat, lazy assholes expect us younger folks to change their diapers and clean up the environment after them.
Boomers aren’t worthy of our respect. They didn’t save the world from Nazis. That was their parents. The olds we know know nothing of suffering and sacrifice.
A Government or a Nursing Home?
Come senators, congressmen, please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt will be he who has stalled
The battle outside ragin'
Will soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
For the times, they are a-changin'
Bob Dylan, 1964
Boomers have done the impossible: they have united liberal comedian Hasan Minhaj and conservative commentator Brett Cooper.
Both agree that the U.S. national government has turned into a nursing home, rather than the place where people get shit done. I mean, no wonder Congress isn’t passing laws. All these old farts are eating dinner by four o’clock.
In my home state of New York, the “junior” senator is Kirsten Gillibrand. This fresh-faced 58-year-old isn’t on TikTok, but she does have an email list where she recently bragged about how she is focused on issues that matter to the youth such as protecting Social Security benefits.
But don’t worry my fellow millennials! Gillibrand is on the insta, where she announced that she the ranking member on the Senate Committee on Aging. So you know she’s going to put us first.
Imagine
Let’s try a thought experiment. Imagine you woke up tomorrow and all the elderly were gone. What would happen?
Most elected officials would need to be replaced. Gen Z, Gen X and Millennials would finally get their hands on the levers of power.
$53 trillion (with a “t”) of wealth would flow into the hands of us young folks. No more student loans or housing shortages. No more struggling to pay grocery bills!
Over half of the members of the corrupt U.S. Supreme Court would get replaced, including the chief justice.
The sandwich generation would be relieved of caring for their senior parents, allowing them to raise children and focus on the future.
It’s hard to believe all that wealth and power awaits us, but it does. It’s a world where 80-something Nancy Pelosi can’t shove aside AOC in favor of a guy with cancer. It’s real. It should have been ours years ago.
And it’s only one smothering pillow away.
